Fonzie-dog’s Butt

Check out my storytelling video of this story.

Salutations, Gregga J. Johnn, Profane Prophet here.

I want to talk to you about Fonzie, my little schnauzer dog. He has a problem. It’s his butt. He has one. Therefore, it must be scratched. At least, that’s his opinion. Problem is, I don’t need to be spending my whole day scratching his butt. He cannot understand this.

“But, my butt.” He tells me. “You have to scratch it. You just HAVE to.”

Then he gets obsessed with biting himself. Sometimes, he gets so obsessed with scratching and biting his butt, he works himself up into a frantic mess and ceases to be a dog anymore, instead, becoming just an Itch, with a capital “I”. He’ll run around in circles, chasing his tiny stub of a tail, until he can sit his ass down long enough to get a good gnaw in.

We’ve figured out he had irritated skin, from those super-sonic-inter-dimensional-jumping fleas that hit last summer. So, he had legitimate issues. But, that’s taken care of. Now, he’s just a biting addict.

“My butt, my butt, my butt, butt, butt.” He tells me, “Faaaaarque! Whose gonna bite my butt! Look at it! It’s right there! Here, I’ll sit on your feet. See, my butt. It’s on your feet. You have to scratch it for me. PUHLEEEEESE!!!”

And then he gives me those puppy-dog eyes and whimpers, “me me me me me me.”

Thumbnail Fonzies ButtThe ONLY thing I’ve found that consistently calms him down, is being held. Ya. Needy dog right. But, I can’t sit on my ass all day, cuddling him, because he has a needy ass. Nobody got time for that.

I did find one thing that helped. Because it’s the hugs that calm him down, I found a hug for him to carry around with him, in the form of a little pajama suit. He’s adorable in it, disgustingly adorable. AND, it stops him getting all fussed and frenzied about chewing on himself.

That’s when God showed up and talked to me about this. See, God knows me, so He talks to me in ways I understand best… often through my animals.

God says,

“Ya know all those times you’re freakin out over something that’s not really important, on a scale of say, one to worldwide flood? Those are the times you need to come to Me and just let Me hold you and calm you down. There’s no need to gnaw on your own worries, or chew on your own stress. That’s not healthy for you. Instead, why don’t you come to Me and let Me pick you up. Besides, you can see My perspective better from in my arms anyway, and that always calms your fears.”

Then, He says to me,

“I’ll also give you my Holy Spirit to take with you everywhere, just like a divine hug-suit. That will keep your heart at peace all day long.”

I love my Jesus, My Father and Holy Spirit. I call them Elohim, collectively. Elohim loves me and you, so well. Ain’t it grand. God is so good. Peace and goodwill to y’all. Shalom.



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